There is a strategy in the midst of the difficulty.
That is what was written on the piece of paper that fell out of my Bible today, in my own handwriting, though I have no idea from when or where it came. Timely words considering the happenings of my past week, and so very fitting. Some time ago, in the not too distant past, I essentially gave up spiritually. A variety of circumstances contributed to this; however, what resonated most profoundly with me was the sense that all of this ‘Christian’ stuff – all of the prayers and faith and hope – was merely a way of masking our pain, simply a way of coping. I remember quite clearly arriving at the conclusion that, while I still believed there was a God, I no longer believed that He was as involved in our lives as we’d like to think He is. My reason for this conclusion? I had been praying for quite a long time – years, in fact – for answers and solutions and direction in my life, and still, nothing. Silence. That’s when I decided to take things in my own hands. That’s when I decided I would take charge of my life. That’s where I went wrong, and for those who know my story at all, they know how much grace was extended to me and poured into my life to bring me to the place I am now.
Presently, though, I find myself hearing that same voice in the back of my head – the one telling me that all of this spirituality is just a coping mechanism for this life, and that maybe God really doesn’t care after all. Maybe it all IS up to us. I would describe my prayer life lately as feeling like I’m running against a wall – a big, strong, tall wall that I am certain to never budge. So why try? Why even keep this up? I’ve been praying up a storm, and absolutely nothing is happening. Nothing except more negative circumstances, anyway. Maybe I was right about all of this in the first place.
But then, I know, logically that thinking makes no sense at all. Of course I don’t believe everything is relative, so why do I live that way when my circumstances are bad? It’s as if, when things are going great, I have a really strong faith and think great thoughts about God, but the second things turn around and seem impossible to overcome, I start questioning the point of faith and whether God even really cares about me at all. But can God really only be good when MY personal circumstances are pleasurable? No. Who God is, is NOT dependent on my circumstances. HE is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and on THAT consistency I must cling when things don’t make sense.
No other outlook could have caused me to spend an hour-and-a-half-long car ride yesterday, with no air or radio or music of any kind, singing at the top of my lungs. I know myself well enough to know that a day filled with failed and foiled plans, no food, nearly being blown up, and a lengthy car ride of silence would be enough to make my mood less than pleasant. Yet, I can’t help but sense that all of this is building up toward something, and if I just keep pushing forward, that wall that I’m running against IS going to come down. And all of this will makes sense, because there IS a strategy in the midst of my difficulty.
Oh, and another thing that makes me so sure of this – half of the songs I sang while in the car yesterday, music-less, were songs I hadn’t heard in quite some time… until this morning in church. I’m just sayin’. Something’s about to happen. And it’s going to be awesome. :)
Join me in claiming these very powerful truths:
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
MY GOD IS THE GOD WHO PROVIDES!
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me, Lord, through the flame!
I will bring praise! I will bring praise!
NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL REMAIN!
I will rejoice! I will declare:
GOD IS MY VICTORY and He is here!
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I AM CONQUEROR AND CO-HEIR WITH CHRIST
So firm on His promise I'll stand!
I will bring praise! I will bring praise!
NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL REMAIN!
I will rejoice! I will declare:
GOD IS MY VICTORY and He is here!
ALL OF MY LIFE, IN EVERY SEASON
YOU ARE STILL GOD,
AND I HAVE A REASON TO SING,
I HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP!
I will bring praise! I will bring praise!
NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL REMAIN!
I will rejoice! I will declare:
GOD IS MY VICTORY and He is here!
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
THE SEED I RECEIVED I WILL SOW
