It all started when I decided that I needed some sort of Bible study or devotional of some sort. I went into a small Christian bookstore in Wichita and sorted through their rather minuscule number of books, having absolutely nothing in particular in mind. I settled on a book by John Eldredge entitled Walking with God and the workbook that went along with it. Never having heard anything about the book before, something compelled me to buy it. So I did. The first thing I noticed, and love, about the book is that it doesn’t have chapters. It’s divided into four ‘seasons’ because in our lives, we have seasons – seasons of mountaintop mind-blowing spiritual closeness with God as well as seasons of doubts and searching, and everything in between. I was intrigued. I spent a few days reading through the first ‘season,’ and ironically enough, it was about how God still speaks to His people. Whoa. Really? I was floored. Eldredge talked about numerous examples throughout Scripture where God speaks directly to His creation, both audibly and to their hearts. He then made the point, is the Bible just a book of exceptions – “Look how God had this really awesome personal relationship with all these people. Too bad He doesn’t do that for us.” Or is it a book of examples, of how life CAN be when we are walking with God? Hmm. After reading the first ‘season’ I spent a few days going through the workbook portion of it. At the very end of that ‘season’ it said this: “What do you need to hear from God about? Make a point to gently ask Him about it this week.” I knew exactly what it was.
Backtracking a little, about a week or so before I bought this book, I had an interesting conversation with my aunt, whom I was living with at the time. I knew that the only reason she had invited me to come live with her in Wichita was because she wanted to help me get back in school and “on track” (whatever that is, right?). Knowing that I wasn’t going to be returning to school this fall, I asked her how she felt about me living there. She told me this: “Kristin, more than anything, I want you to have a goal for your life. Not just paying off your student loans, but a life goal that you’re working toward.” Great, I thought. I’m back at square one. Again. I’m tired of living for myself, yet God won’t tell me what it is that He wants me to do. So this became my prayer:
God, I’m not asking for the whole picture anymore. I don’t need all the answers right now. I don’t need to know the big picture you have for my life. All I know is that I’m in a place in life right now that I HAVE to move in a direction. SOME direction. ANY direction. I just have to move. I have no job. I’m not going to school. I’m completely drifting and aimless here, so I just need a direction to walk towards. That’s all. No big picture. No answers. Just a general direction.
I began to ask Him to just open a door in the direction He wanted me to go, and close the other doors – and to make it very, very obvious, because I’m rather dumb about these sorts of things. I over-think everything. Nothing is ever simple. And Indecisive is my middle name.
Backtracking even more, before I bought the book or had the conversation with my aunt, I had spent four hours the day after my job ended, driving around Wichita, filling out applications, and turning in resumes. This resulted in several interviews, none of which produced any results. Most of them were only hiring for weekends or just part-time. I was really appreciative of them bothering to make me get up early and drive all the way across town to spend five minutes in an interview just for them to tell me something they could have told me over the phone, especially considering I had specifically stated I was looking for full-time. Still, I was hopeful that God would open a door in the direction He wanted for me. After about a week or two of not seeing any results, I randomly decided to fill out an application online with a temp agency in Tulsa, remembering that a friend had obtained several jobs through them over the years. When I talked to her about it, she told me to wait about two days after submitting the application, then start calling and “harassing” them until they gave me an interview. Then, after I had the interview, to wait two more days, then start calling them again and “harass” them until they found me a job. I wasn’t really planning on pursuing this; I was just bored more than anything. I filled it out on a Friday or Saturday. When Monday morning rolled around, I got up and went running. When I got back home, there was a message on my phone from them informing me that I looked like an “excellent candidate” for several positions, and that they’d like to have an interview with me that week. What?! I didn’t even have to call them. Not even once. They literally called me the very next business day to set up an interview. I was amazed. I called them back and they scheduled me for an interview the very next day. So I packed as quickly as I could and headed for Tulsa, not having any idea how long I’d be there. The interview went well, and they told me they wanted to submit me for a full-time job in Broken Arrow (close to home!) that paid $13 an hour! WOOHOO! They called me later and said the interview with this business was scheduled for Friday. I went to the interview, and was really hoping to get this job. I could sure use the money. I had a long discussion with my parents about moving back home and how I felt that this was the door that God had opened for whatever reason. They eventually agreed, and I left the following Monday to go back to Wichita to begin to gather my things. The same temp agency I interviewed with in Tulsa even got me a temporary job, for 3 days, that week in Wichita so I could make some money in the process. I planned to officially move back Saturday.
But, as usual, nothing ever goes as planned. I still hadn’t heard back from that company I had interviewed with, and was starting to get the impression that I didn’t get the job. Great. I really needed that. At 5:00pm on Thursday, while I was in Wichita, the temp agency called me and said that a hospice wanted to interview me for a full-time receptionist position. I wasn’t thrilled with the idea, especially considering it didn’t pay near as much and it was all the way across town, but I figured, what the heck. It couldn’t hurt anything. They wanted to interview me on Friday for it, so I scrambled to pack nearly everything I could possibly fit into my car, and drove to Tulsa Thursday night. My interview was at 3:30 on Friday, and I thought it went okay. It lasted about ten minutes, and I honestly wasn’t expecting anything to come of it. She had already interviewed about three people, and there was another one after me. I headed back to Wichita as soon as it was over to get the rest of my things and say my goodbyes. Exactly an hour after my interview (4:30), while I was on the rode, I got a phone call. It was the temp agency saying the hospice wanted to offer me the position and wondered if I could start Monday. WHAT?! No way! I couldn’t believe it. Literally an hour after I had left, they gave me the job. Wow. That’s all I had to say. So I got back to Wichita Friday evening, said goodbye to family and friends, and headed back to Tulsa for good on Saturday afternoon. It was an incredibly long weekend that involved way too much driving, but I was glad to be back. And employed.
Backtracking once again, a couple weeks prior to all of this, while I was contemplating the conversation I had with my aunt about having a career goal for my life and all that jazz, my mind turned back to Nursing. I have no explanation for this. No justification for it. I have attempted Nursing not once, but twice - and promptly quit both times. Not because I failed or anything, but simply because I was afraid to try. And not that it’s any secret, but when it comes to majors and jobs, I have commitment issues. Jobs I get bored with because they are never “what I want to do for the rest of my life.” And yet, I could never pick a major because the concept of picking one thing to do for the rest of my life seems so final that it scares the crap out of me. Still does. So I have no idea how or why this Nursing thing popped into my head. I hadn’t given it a thought since the last time I quit the major. But it did, and continues, to come across my mind without cause or explanation.
Anyway, getting to present time, I’ve officially been back for a whole week, and couldn’t feel more like I’m headed in the right direction for once, whatever that direction is. I’ve been working at the hospice for a whole week now, and it struck me yesterday – how ironic is it that, of all the jobs I could have been placed in by this job agency, I end up working with a bunch of nurses?? I mean, really.
So needless to say, I’m completely intrigued as to where this is going. I don’t have the big picture. I don’t really have any answers to all the big questions I have about my future either. All I know is that as God continues to open doors, I’m going to go through them. I feel as though my life is like a super good TV show – I can’t wait to find out what’s going to happen on the next episode. :P
