The North Wind and the Sun had an argument one day. They disputed which of them was stronger. A traveler came along the road at that time, and the Sun suggested a way to resolve the argument. Whoever was able to cause the traveler to remove his coat would be the stronger. The Wind accepted the challenge and the Sun hid himself behind a cloud. The Wind began to blow. Yet the harder he blew, the more the traveler clutched his coat about himself. The Wind sent rain, even hail. The traveler clung even more desperately to his coat. Finally, in despair, the Wind gave up. The Sun came out and began to shine in all his glory upon the traveler. Quite soon the man had removed his coat. "How did you do that?" asked the Wind. "It was easy," said the Sun, "I lit the day. Through gentleness I got my way."
I've been a fan of the Robbie Seay Band's music for awhile now, but as I've recently found their blog and read up on them, I've become a fan of them as people as well. It's quite refreshing, really, to know that people live out what it is that they write and sing about. And it's quite reassuring to find music that is so relelvant to my own struggles and circumstances, and, I think, to everyone else's as well.
"Some of the things that come out of the music are of great significance. People find hope. Some find solace. Others stumbe upon a journey of faith they had no idea they were on."
And that is the beautiful thing about music. Though we all may have our differences, here we find our common ground. We are all here together, walking through this life, trying to make sense of what is going on around us. And there is a Hope that does not dissapoint.
In reading a particular post the band made about the atmosphere they wish to create with their concerts, they said this:
"It is our prayer, that in the midst of this whirlwind we will laugh as people that have not lost hope, drink deep of a rare cup of coffee, and share a melody that will awaken the best in all of us."
I sincerely cannot wait for Thursday night. I need this. My soul needs this. Here come better days.
I read a news article today about a small plane crash over the weekend, killing all 14 people on board - 7 of them children, ages 1-9. Though I have no connection to any of these individuals, stories like this tear at my heart. I know it's a tragedy that ALL of these people lost their lives, but some part of me aches stronger for the children. I know it's not a reality, but I just would like to think that everyone should have the opportunity to live a long life - to have their first kiss, graduate high school or college, to fall in love, get married, have kids - to simply chase their dreams, whatever they may be. I'm certain this chord resonates so strongly with me due to the loss of my own brother at such a young age; I sometimes still think about what his life "should be like" right now - who he'd be friends with, who I'd like for him to be dating, where he'd be going to school. I wonder if he would have his life more figured out than I do, and wish I had him around to talk to about all of these things. But even having experienced all of this, I cannot even begin to fathom the intense pain and loss it would be to lose an entire family in a moment's notice. For those parents who, because of this solitary moment, have lost a son or daughter and all of their grandchildren, or siblings who lost a brother or sister and their nieces and nephews, my mind can only begin to imagine the searing loss they must be experiencing at this moment. I know what it's like to lose one so suddenly, but to lose so many? And all at once? I wouldn't even know how to begin to deal with this, and I pray to God I never have to. Things like this remind me how insignificantly trivial all the petty problems in my life are. My heart truly goes out to those affected by this. May they find Comfort, and may we realize that our days are numbered and learn to truly live each and every one of them.
Confronted with a tragedy that seems so senseless, We are compelled to make some positive reply, To say that if the young and brave die early, Then those of us who remain must help others to live a meaningful life.
Sometimes I really think that music is God's gift just for me. (I've been reading too much, I know. Don't ask.) It never fails that just the right song, with the EXACT words I need to hear, enters my mind at just the right time when I need it the most - even if it's something I haven't heard in years. I know it's more than coincidence. I had one of those moments just a little bit ago. I mean, it just can't be coincidence that I went from blaring Jessica Harp's "Not Today" as loud as I could, to singing the following song I haven't heard in God knows how long, in nothing flat. God is SO good!
Let it all out (get it all out). Rip it out, remove it. Don't be alarmed When the wound begins to bleed. Cause we're so scared to find out What this life's all about, So scared we're going to lose it - Not knowing all along That's EXACTLY what we need! Oh, inconsistent me, Crying out for consistency! You said, "I know that this will hurt. But if I don't break your heart, things will just get worse! If the burden seems too much to bear, Remember: THE END WILL JUSTIFY THE PAIN IT TOOK TO GET US THERE!" And I'll let it be known, At times I have shown Signs of all my weakness. But SOMEWHERE in me, THERE IS STRENGTH! And you promise me That you believe In time I WILL defeat this, Cause somewhere in me, There is strength! And today I will trust you with the confidence Of one who's never known defeat, And I'll try my best to just forget that THAT ONE ISN'T ME!
Because maybe this life is going to change the world.
Our story already has the greatest ending.
No matter what.
Heart-wrenching words, and scene, if you know what I’m talking about. I’m reminded of why I like this show so much – the quotes. If you know much about me at all, you know that I absolutely love quotes. All kinds, from all different places and things and people. I have files and files on my computer of quotes I’ve found over the years that were particularly meaningful or profound to me, quotes that touched my soul in some way. Every once in a while I’ll open them up and read through them, feeling their meaning all over again. As I sat and listened to these particular words, I was suddenly reminded of the vast beauty of life, of destiny. Sometimes it’s so easy to get caught up in our own little frustrations when things aren’t going the way we’d envisioned them, or the way we think they should. But the truth is, each and every one of these circumstances we endure is shaping who we are, and leading us to something better. I know that it’s difficult to believe that sometimes, especially when you find yourself in the middle of all of the pain. But it’s true, nonetheless. And if we will just open our eyes to see it – to see that our journey is not confined to the mere moments we are experiencing, but encompasses the whole of the plot, the ups and the downs, from start to finish – we would do ourselves a grand favor. The frustrations, pain, and heartache we endure are not the sum of our existence, but merely points along the way on this journey of life, letting us know we are living. We are alive, and this too shall pass. I will choose to be thankful, even for the heartache, because I know I am truly living. I am alive. I can feel. Even the bad, but especially the good. And that is what makes all of this worth it. Sure, the pain is certainly no fun. But each new sunrise brings with it a new day. Another chance. And life goes on.
I realize now that when your heart breaks,
You've got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive.
Love the Lord your God, and love one another. Love one another as He loves. Love with strength and purpose and passion and no matter what comes against you. Don’t weaken. Stand against the darkness, and love. That’s the way back into Eden. That’s the way back to life.
There are few things in life I hate, loathe, despise, and abominate more than Christian fiction.As far as I can tell, it all stems back to sixth grade, when I read some Christian romance novel by Janette Oke. Or maybe it was Beverly Lewis. Or Karen Kingsbury. Whichever the case, it makes no difference; they are all the same. Crap. Crap, crap, crap. I don’t remember if I even made it all the way through the book, to be honest. All I recall was thinking this was the cheesiest, most ridiculously stupid thing I’d ever read. And so I’ve avoided the genre altogether ever since, with the minor exception of The List last year, which I highly recommend.
I’d heard about this book, Redeeming Love, from numerous people. I’d seen it listed on plenty of Facebook profiles under ‘Favorite Books,’ but I never really knew anything about it. It wasn’t until my trip to Colorado about a month ago that I really felt impressed to go buy it and read it. I went to Mardel and searched and searched, finally having to ask for assistance. Low and behold, it was not in the ‘Christian Living’ section as I’d assumed, but in none other than the dreaded ‘Christian Fiction/Romance.’ I sighed inwardly. I had some serious second thoughts going on. But in the end, I bought the book, not really knowing what to expect.
Of all the scenarios I could have pictured, I certainly never thought myself to be sitting up at 1:30 in the morning during the middle of the week, bawling my eyes out so hard I was shaking as I finished the novel – about a week after I started it. Oh, did I mention it’s some 460+ pages? God knew I needed that.
I think the difference with this particular Christian fiction novel is that it isn’t just some obnoxious, made-up love story with a bunch of cheesy God stuff packed in there. The story is actually based off of a book of the Bible, Hosea. And as Francine Rivers put it, “Everything in Redeeming Love was a gift from the Lord: plot, characters, theme. None of it is mine to claim.” And that made all the difference.
The parallel between how this man married a known prostitute, continuing to love her and pursue her no matter how awful she treated him or how many times she ran away back to her former life, and how God loves us completely and unconditionally no matter how many times we throw it all in His face and try to do things without Him after all He’s given us brought me to my knees. The picture of how God relentlessly and ever so gently pursues us with His love, waiting for us to open our eyes and see what is right in front of our faces brought tears to my eyes. The fact that I’ve been given a love like this, and yet, somehow I still manage to so often find myself seeking after my former bondage broke my heart. God’s grace for us is beyond comprehension, His love beyond measure.
This story is so great, so timeless. The character of Angel pierces right to the heart of all of humanity. No, all of our stories may not be so extreme; most of us weren’t sold into prostitution as a child or anything like that. But yet, every single one of us can relate to this character. Every single one of us has felt some form of rejection, loneliness, despair, betrayal, unworthiness. And every single one of us, whether we know it or not, is offered the same Power to overcome, the same unconditional Love, despite our past.And further still, how many times do we walk away from that Love, determined to find a way on our own?
I love what Francine Rivers says about why she wrote this book. I feel a certain connection with her words. “Too many have awakened one day to discover they are in bondage, and they have no idea how to escape. It is for people such as these that I wrote Redeeming Love – people who fight, as I did, to be their own gods, only to find in the end that they are lost, desperate, and terribly alone. I want to bring the truth to those trapped in lies and darkness, to tell them that God is there, He is real, and He loves them – no matter what.”I, too, have fought to be my own god, harder than most anyone even knows. I dug myself deeper and deeper, turning my back on God, thinking that if I only worked hard enough and long enough, I would make it on my own. And as Rivers said, in the end, I most assuredly found myself to be lost, desperate, and terribly alone. That’s the darkest place I’ve been in my whole life. But praise God He sees my past, and CHOOSES to love me just the same! It is only by His grace that I am where I am today. And I am eternally indebted to His endless love that keeps bringing me back every time I run, because Lord knows I do.
I love knowing there’s a bigger picture beyond my circumstances, beyond my pain. Sometimes I can’t wait to be old, just so I can look back on my life and see how every single detail, even the difficulties and hurt and frustrations, were shaping and molding me and creating a beautiful tapestry, a masterpiece. I will spend my life pursuing and trying to understand this perfect Love that pursued me and continually makes beauty out of my messes.
May your roots go down deep in the soil of God’s marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it.
As is probably apparent by my vast array of posts, I obviously can’t decide what I want this blog to be. I’ve thought long and hard, and I can’t seem to decide if this is a venue for me to ramble about all the meaningless happenings in my life, or if I want to use this solely for spiritual insights and inspirations. I want there to be a theme, without a doubt. But as I’ve thought this over, I think I’ve come to the conclusion that the theme is most honestly reflected in the above graphic. “The road is long, and in the end, the journey is the destination.” This blog is about my journey. To where, I do not know. (I mean, ultimately I know, but I’m talking about where I’m going in this life exclusively). But as the quote says, it doesn’t matter to where. The point is in the journey, in the in between. I write to express what is going on in my world, whether that be deeply profound or as simple as my frustrations over a terminally screwed up ipod. Every moment is a part of the journey, no matter how insignificant. And that is the beauty of it.
As every writer knows, the best writing comes out of moments of inspiration. Those moments are usually few and far between, and come at the most inconvenient times. And it is those moments of inspiration where we find it imperative to drop everything and find something to write down our thoughts on, or they will be gone. Just like that. And they will never come quite the exact same way again.
I’m having one of those days. All day long I’ve felt this deep need to make sense of what I’m thinking and feeling through writing, but haven’t had the chance until now. And the most frustrating part is, I don’t even know what it is that I’m supposed to be writing. I can’t for the life of me figure out what I’m really thinking or feeling. But whatever it is, I need to get it out. It’s like a disease. Or an addiction. Or maybe they are the same thing. I just feel so jaded, really. And I’m so tired of the ups and downs. I just want to be free of this. Maybe I should move to LA in August…
As I was contemplating all of this, on the clock, of course, I was reminded of something I wrote a number of years back, and I felt inclined to look it up when I got home. As it turns out, I wrote it three years ago, almost to the exact day.
Who I Am 3/9/06
Rain, rain, go away
Come again another day
My soul is worn
And my heart is torn
As these tears stream down my face
Patience is growing thin, Father
As I try not to give in
To a world that is so unfair
Handing me this mask that I should wear
So that I can be worthy of love
Will no one ever see a heart
That is after the Lord’s own heart?
And will no one ever even care
That I lift my hands to You in prayer?
That I’m so in love with You
I want my life to reflect that in all I do.
Will no one ever love me for who I am?
Reign, reign in me this day
Father, this to You I pray.
As I wait for Your perfect will
May my life be truer still
To the One who gave me life again
Lord, as I wait, make this heart
One that is after Your own heart.
I thank You that You care
When I lift my hands to You in prayer.
May I fall more in love with You
And live my life to reflect that in all I do.
Until I find the one who is after Your heart too.
Ironically enough, I specifically remember the circumstances prompting this… and I obviously still haven’t learned my lesson. Maybe this time I will get it through my head. Maybe now I can be free.
Patience is a virtue, and most certainly one that needs work in my life, at that. I don't like silence, from God or otherwise. I don't like confusion. And I don't like not knowing what I'm feeling, or how to express myself. This is exhausting. I often wish life had a rewind button. I'd go back to being comfortably numb. I'd prefer that to this any day, I think.Well, today, at least. Leave it to me to figure things out the hard way though. I think I need a do-over, but I don't even know where to begin... My spirit is fading. I need a change.
I can't find the words to pray I'm a little down today Can You help me? Can You hold me? I feel a million miles away And I don't know what to say Can You hear me anyway?
Lord, I know, the only way is through this Lord, I know, I need You to help me do this
I sincerely wish I had a copy of the video from when I sang this duet. Though I don't care much for the memories surrounding it anymore, This moment was still epic.
(Think of me) I know you've never seen me cry (Think of me) But it's so hard to say goodbye (Think of me) What can I say to show you I'll never give up on you I will be waiting for you
I will be there when you call I will see you through it all And even in your darkest hour I pray that the Lord we found Will set you on solid ground
