Attitude Adjustment

I told a good friend Saturday morning I could tell I was in need of a major attitude adjustment. Little did I know I was about to get just that, and at a great cost.

For me, life has been pretty busy lately, and stressful. And I've allowed myself to get swept up by it, not keeping priorities straight. And thus, my attitude on life in general has gone out the window, as I have not maintained a proper perspective on my surroundings. It is because of this accumulating pile of crap in my life that I am where I find myself now - watching some of the things I hold dearest simultaneously fall apart, wishing to go back in time. After all, everything is 20/20 in retrospect. Yet in the midst of the circumstances I find myself in, and in an attempt to reestablish perspective and attitude I should have, it has occurred to me how much it must pain God when He doesn't hear from us or when we ignore Him. It is painful enough in our own lives to go an extended period of time without hearing from someone we care deeply about. But how much more does it hurt the One who demonstrated the ultimate example of love by dying to save us when we simply get too caught up in the busyness of our lives to talk to Him? His love for us is SO much greater than we can comprehend, therefore, how much more must it pain Him when we ignore Him? More than words can express. Consider my attitude adjusted.

He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Prayer

Jesus,
Give us a picture of Your face
Show us the measure of Your grace
Reveal the love of the Father
Put within us tenderness
Release from us ALL selfishness

We are Yours
Give us hearts of servants

And So I Learn To Listen Through Silence.

I'm aware that I really need to get back to writing more, but that involves making the time, which I've really been bad at lately. So I guess until I find that balance again, others' writings will have to suffice. The past couple of weeks, I'd have to say, everything has been ridiculously ironic in my life. It's got to the point where literally everything I read, or hear in church - spoken or sung, it literally directly applies to something I've been struggling with and praying about, and I feel like it was put there specifically for me. Words cannot convey how crazy this feeling is. I just had another one of those moments. Allow me to share an excerpt from Experiencing God:

When Jesus arrived, Lazarus had been dead four days. Martha said to Jesus, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died" (v.32). Then the Spirit of God began to help me understand something. It seemed to me as if Jesus said to Mary and Martha: "You are exactly right. If I had come when you asked, your brother would not have died. You know I could have healed him, because you have seen Me heal people many times before. If I had come when you asked Me to, I would have healed him. BUT YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN ANY MORE ABOUT ME THAN YOU ALREADY UNDERSTOOD. I knew you were ready for a greater revelation of Me than you had known before. I wanted you to experience that I am the Resurrection and the Life. MY REFUSAL AND MY SILENCE WERE NOT REJECTION. THEY WERE OPPORTUNITY FOR ME TO DISCLOSE TO YOU MORE OF ME THAN YOU HAD EVER KNOWN."

And so I'll learn to listen through silence.

Salt In The Snow

Give me wings, give me peace.
These are the things that I need.

Are you listening?

I have heard that winter's cold
Will give way to summer's warmth.
Oh no! Like salt in the snow,
I'm melted and left all alone on the side of the road.

Is this where I am for your sake?
Stuck between sleep and awake.
My mind is dreaming of things -
Are you listening?

And I will wait for you to come again.
And I can't pretend like I'm confident.
And I can't pretend like it makes much sense when it doesn't.

I have heard that winter's cold
Will give way to summer's warmth.
Oh no! Like salt in the snow,
I'm melted and left all alone on the side of the road.

Goodbye To You

It seems like just last week I was hanging out with my college friends; now I find myself only talking about them and the times we had. A figment of the past. And I wonder when, if ever, I will see most of them again. I'm not old enough for this, I think. But something about husbands and seminaries and grown-up jobs and moving to far off places brings the reality of the situation into perspective. I still don't feel old enough, though, and certainly not ready for any of it. But then again, when are we ever 'ready'? Most of the time, if not all of the time, I think that time chooses us; we don't choose the timing. It's more like, when opportunity presents itself, we must choose to rise to the occasion, or else, maybe in fear, choose to let it pass us by, knowing not what could have been. I think Shakespeare said it best: "We must take the current when it serves or lose the ventures before us."

Someone once told me a very long time ago that life is made up of goodbyes. I thought it quite rude and incencitive at the time, but having gained a few years, I think I'm starting to understand their point. But I wonder, if life is full of goodbyes, why should I not cling to the 'now' as tightly as possible, because I know not when it will pass? Or maybe it's just about enjoying and appreciating the 'now,' and having the grace to accept when it's time to say goodbye, looking onward to the next 'current' of life, for I know not the joy it may bring. Or maybe it's a little of both. In either case, I still hate goodbyes.

Promises

This past week in Experiencing God, one of the assignments was to specifically set aside part of the day, at least 30 minutes, and go on a walk or do something outside of your normal routine to get away from everything and just spend some time focusing on God and His love, and see what He had to say to my heart. And this is what He brought to mind:

Several years ago, I decided that God had called me to go on a mission trip to Ecuador over the summer. I only had a matter of months to get the money, and my parents, out of love, basically flat out told me that I’d never get all the money in time, and I should just plan on going the following summer so that I’d have a year to save. I brought my frustrations to the director of this particular missions organization, and he told me that he was often frustrated with parents who said these things to their children - whether it was about money or not thinking it safe for their kid to leave the country or whatever. He targeted his frustration on one key point – what are you teaching your kids about God by giving those excuses? Without words, and probably without even realizing it, those parents are saying to their children that God is not big enough to provide the means for them to go or that God is not strong enough to watch over them and keep them safe. With this in mind, I proceeded to pick out a few key verses from Scripture and claim those promises from God every single day, believing that He would provide if it were His will. And He did.

That being said, I have some pretty major decisions to make in my life, and a very short amount of time to make them in. And, honestly, there’s a lot of emotion and confusion tied up in them for various reasons. There’s a lot I don’t understand right now, but it’s become clear to me that there’s one thing I must do, and that is to claim His promises. No matter the time in history or what my circumstances are, His promises never ever change, and I have to stand on that now more than ever. I may not be able to even see my own hand in front of my face, but I have to trust that His heart is good, that His promises are true, and that my God is big enough. And the rest is out of my hands.

MY COMFORT IN MY SUFFERING IS THIS:
YOUR PROMISE PRESERVES MY LIFE.
Psalm 119:50

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You.
Psalm 9:9-10

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9

Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:6

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11

You will seek Me and find Me when you when you seek Me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.
Psalm 107:9

In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:6

“I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.”
Exodus 33:17

The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all He has made.
Psalm 145:13

If It's Too Hot In The Kitchen - GET OUT!

It came to my attention yesterday that a mass of scandal has begun to swirl around the stars of the TLC reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8. In the past I've heard and read a plethora of negativity regarding this alleged happy, Jesus-loving family. Yesterday, however, was the first I'd heard of this cheating rumor firestorm that has been sweeping across the media. Reportedly, Jon has been seen (and photographed) bar-hopping and the like with young college girls, while Kate is off traveling promoting her new book, which probably, once again, has nothing more to share with us than we already know... which is everything, because, after all, their lives are broadcast on TV. Some say this is just a sick publicity stunt for the couple to gain more attention for their show and book. Kate, on the other hand, claims that life in the spotlight has put a strain on their marriage, and Jon is just having a difficult time dealing with the fame, as well as the way Kate's 'career' has taken off. First of all, since when has exploiting every detail of your family's life become a career? (Oh wait, that's right - when reality TV started!) It was cute and interesting to see how they managed in the beginning, but they're what, 5 now? They're all in school. I'd say it's completely plausible for Kate to go back to work as a nurse, at least part time, while the kids are in school. Second of all, at least Jon could get a job! I mean, if he's feeling "behind" as his wife is busy with her 'career' ... maybe he should consider getting one of his own - preferably one that is un-televised. Maybe then he would have less time on his hands to incur rumors of partying with college girls. Just a thought.

But really, I mainly just have one thing to say to you, Jon and Kate, and it is this:

If being in the spotlight is putting a strain on your marriage - THEN GET OUT! Of the spotlight, that is.

It really isn't rocket science. If this truly is not a publicity stunt, but a real dilemma, then it's time to make a choice. What is more important - getting rich off of your adorable children... or your family, your marriage? Please do your kids and yourselves a favor, and step out of the spotlight. You are fully capable of recording your precious memories by yourselves - without the aid of a camera crew. People do it all the time; it's called 'reality,' without the 'TV.' And you are also fully capable of providing your kids with plenty of 'opportunities you didn't have growing up' without putting them through a media feeding frenzy that has really only just begun. And if this is indeed a publicity stunt, well, you need more help than we thought....

And shame on you, TLC, for standing by at letting this happen.

And shame on us for buying into it.