When the Morning Falls

I'm not much of a morning person, to say the least. Although, I must confess, it is one of the things on my 'bucket list' (that I made BEFORE the movie, for the record). I like the idea of waking up and enjoying the beautiful sunrise, and the feeling of having another chance to start over - it's just the practicality of it that gets me. I mean, why can't the sun rise at, say, 10am? Seriously, God, what were you thinking?? Just kidding.

Anyway, despite my disagreement with mornings, I do enjoy the fact that most days I wake up with a completely random song in my head. It's usually not something I've been listening to or even something I've heard anytime recently, but it's on my memory as though I have. And often times, in some small way, that song, placed in my head before the day began, ends up helping me get through the day. Call me overly sentimental, but I think it's pretty cool.


I say all this because just the other day, a song popped into my head that I don't think I've head in about four years. We used to sing it in choir in high school. It's called "I Will Praise Him, Still" by Fernando Ortega. As I sang the lyrics, I began to think about their meaning, and I realized something: I'm not always going to feel like praising God, but because He is worthy, I must and I will, despite my circumstances. Pretty obvious, I know. But I have to relearn the obvious lessons, a lot.

When the morning falls
On the farthest hill,

I will sing His name,

I will praise Him, still.

When dark trials come

And my heart is filled

With the weight of doubt,

I will praise Him, still.

For the Lord, our God,

He is strong to save

From the arms of death,
From the deepest grave!

And He gave us life

In His perfect will,

And by His good grace

I will praise Him, still.

Quote of the Day

"So, it is my life's goal to learn how to love people the way Christ loved us."







Thanks, KB!

Noble Theme

“My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king."
Psalm 45:1

As this chapter of my life progresses, I'm beginning to notice a recurring theme at work in my life and in my heart. Love. Love, love, love. Maybe it's just that it's the month of February, so naturally the topic would ensue. But I've spent many a lonely Valentine's Days, and I daresay I've done a pretty good job of ignoring the day altogether, or at least standing in obstinance for singles everywhere by painting my nails black and adorning myself in an all-black attire. But that's another story.

In any case, I just don't think it has anything to do with the ever-beloved holiday. First it was the road trip, and the overwhelming feeling of my Creator's love for me that came along with it. And now it seems that everything is just flowing out of that, as if I'm being prepared for something without my knowing. I can tell this is a most valuable lesson, and I'm determined not to miss out on what I'm supposed to be getting out of this time in my life.

After my trip, simply the word 'love' is blatantly obvious to me in songs that I've heard at least a thousand times. I'm finding all-new meaning in them, and in Christ's love for me. To bring the theme to a new height, even today as I sat in church, the message of Love was right in my face. And I know, I know, it is February. Of course every sermon series is going to be focusing on love. But really, I can't shake the sense that it isn't just coincidence. It is all tying together, just for me. There is something I'm supposed to be grasping out of this. I love that feeling more than anything. The one where you realize that all the chaos and seemingly random incidences of your life are actually culminating to one grand purpose, even if that purpose is still yet unknown. I love realizing it all makes sense.

Anyway, it was Week 2 of this particular series entitled "The Vow of Pursuit." Right now I'm completely captivated with how God loves us, and how that love is then translated and mirrored in our relationships with people. It's such a great gift He gives us, really. This sermon couldn't have been more in line with where my heart is and what I'm learning. God is good.



united - dabaq (daw-bak') : cling or adhere; to catch by PURSUIT, pursue hard with affection AND devotion.



I think that basically captures the heart of what every girl wants. Every girl. Ever. And it's in the Bible! Awesome. It reminds me of this song by Bethany Dillon:

I want to be pursued.
Gaze into my eyes,
And let me know you'd fight thousands for my love.
Slip your hand in mind,
Ask me to dance with you tonight.
Just ask me for my love.

I love that. I love all of this. And I love the picture of how Christ pursues us. Wow, my words are so insufficient here. More on this later.

For You, My Unfailing Love.

It's truly amazing what an 11-hour car ride, with nothing but myself, my music, and my thoughts, can do for me. And my heart. I wish I had some sort of transcript for the stream of consciousness that went on in my head during that drive, as it was certainly more profound than the words of my recollection of it will be.


I began this trip in a pretty bad place. Not physically in a bad place, just a bad place in life. As much as I'd like to think I'm starting to figure it all out - about hearing God's voice and all - something happens, and I begin to question it all, all over again. If faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains, mine must be microscopic. Beyond microscopic. As we drove along, I became saddened, wondering if maybe all these times I do things, thinking I'm feeling God's leading, maybe I'm just simply doing what I want to do and justifying it as God's will. Maybe I never should have left Kansas in the first place.


And just exactly how does a heart healthily heal, anyway? I mean, does time really heal all wounds? Or can something simple, at any given time, bring back the memories like a flood, sweeping you back to the exact place you were before? Maybe we just shouldn't put so much of our hearts into things. Maybe that's what gets us into trouble in the end. Maybe the matters of the heart are more like a science, with laws and specifics to be followed...

Sidetrack. As I stared out the window, I was reminded how much I absolutely love road trips. I would hands down rather drive across the country than fly. Any day. There's just something about seeing the gradual transition of the land from one place to another that is profoundly beautiful to me, and certainly missed when one takes off into the sky at one place and comes back down in a completely different one. To me, it even makes the Oklahoma panhandle beautiful, as it is a part of the subtle transitioning from one extreme to another. It's almost like music; a single note might not be particularly profound, but when put together with other notes, can create something truly breathtaking. Then it occurs to me, certainly creation is filled with scientific laws and absolutes, but there's so much more than just that. There's heart. God poured His heart into His creation, as is evidenced by the magnificence of all this transitioning I'm seeing out my window. From the snow-capped mountains, to the rolling hills, to the oceans, and vast wide-opened fields of grass or star-filled skies - from each extreme and everything in between - you can see God's heart. God put His heart into His creation, and He created us in His image. He created us to put our hearts into things too.

I've heard it all every day of my life since the day I was born - from Jesus Loves Me to "For God so loved the world..." - and I've always believed it, don't get me wrong. But suddenly I felt like I was discovering this for the first time. God poured His heart into His creation. He poured His heart into me. He loves me. Deeply. Unselfishly. Unconditionally. Unfailingly. He sees my mistakes, my short comings, my quirks - and His love for me never falters for a second. He will never get tired of loving me. And what's more, we can love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19)! We too have this unselfish, unconditional, unfailing love, because He first loved us this way! I know there's more to matters of the heart than just our heads. I know we are supposed to put our hearts into things. After all, our Creator created us with all His heart. Tears formed in my eyes as I sat there thinking about all of this. To be the object of a love like this, to have a love like this! Awesome. In every sense of the word.

What an incredible gift we have in Christ!

The soundtrack to these contemplations:

And though the mountains be shaken

And the hills be removed,

Yet my unfailing love for you

Will not be moved!

Rend, Rend, Rend!

Rend your hearts!

Tear these walls down;

I am only Yours now.

Update: As my luck would have it, my ipod got wiped out later that same day. All my music, gone. So, here's to a fresh start, with music and in life.

Say Something

"...but now I am seeing we don't live in a single song.
We move from song to song, lyric to lyric, from chord to chord.
There is no ending here; it's an infinite playlist."

Music. It truly speaks to me like nothing else. It always has a way of reaching me where I'm at, touching my soul, and moving my spirit. It never fails, and I don't know where I'd be without the gift of music. It has a way of blessing, encouraging, uplifting, empathizing, or inspiring at just the right moment. And every once in awhile, I find that perfect song at the exact moment I need to hear it, and I swear it was written just for me. Other times, it's a whole score of songs, when played one after the other, that let me know I'm not alone, I'm not the only one who's ever felt this way, and it's going to be okay. Currently, this playlist for me goes as follows, and in this order:

1. Gravity, Sara Bareilles
2. Maybe, Dana Glover
3. Kindly Unspoken, Kate Voegele
4. Fix You, Coldplay
5. Take You or Leave You, Jill Paquette
6. How To Save A Life, The Fray
7. Droplets, Jason Reeves & Colbie Caillat
8. I Just Can't Live A Lie, Carrie Underwood
9. When You're Gone, Avril Lavigne
10. If You're Gonna Leave, Emerson Hart
11. Dreaming With A Broken Heart, John Mayer
12. Lift Me Up, Kate Voegele
13. Over Thinking [Acoustic], Relient K
14. It's Not Just Me, Rascal Flatts
15. So Close, Jon McLaughlin
16. New Day, Robbie Seay Band
17. 10 Hours, Warren Barfield
18. When You Love Someone, Bethany Dillon
19. It Is You (I Have Loved), Dana Glover

Purpose

Someone told me tonight that those who wait, doing things (college) at a slower pace, often end up more successful. I think he's right. In fact, I'm banking on it. Not success from the typical wealth or power standpoint, but more of a fulfillment. You see, I'm a firm believer in purpose; I believe that each of us are born with an innate, God-given purpose. Granted some don't recognize or acknowledge it as given by God, but it is there nonetheless. And I believe that when a person is fully awakened to that purpose for which he is here, and is living it out, there he will find himself most content, most satisfied. And it is precisely that purpose that I am waiting to discover, and probably not so patiently most of the time. But honestly, I'd rather wait it out, taking each day step-by-step for now, rather than end up missing the purpose my life created to fulfill.

Perspective

I sit here trying to make sense of all that is going on in my head, in my heart, and in the world around me. It seems as though it is all escalating toward one grand thing that I don’t even yet know. And for the life of me, I can’t even seem to wrap my head around it. Blame it on the season of Resolutions if you will, but what has been stirring in me over the past few months, I am certain, is something far greater, and deeper, and long-lasting than a simple New Year’s Resolution. It comes from something beyond myself, and reaches to the depths of my soul. It is the age-old question that I think everyone must grapple with, on some level, during their existence here on earth, however long or short it may be. Namely, Why am I here? But, for me, this question goes beyond that of the reason for human existence, as I know Who is behind the complexity of this thing we call life. It reaches farther still to beg the question, What am I doing with my one and only life? It seems I have been bombarded lately with sermons, songs, signs – all compelling me to ask, “How am I making this life matter? How am I making a difference?” It has hit harder now than ever before, I think, through a variety of different mediums: I only have one shot at this life. And there are no guarantees on its length; I may have 100 years left, or maybe only one. Am I making a difference in this world? Do the things that I am doing now even matter in the grand scheme of things?

I sat at a funeral today of a girl, just 18 years old, who has lived her entire life with the reality that she would likely not get to live a long life. She’s had to face the fact that, barring a miracle, she would never get to walk down the aisle, have kids, grow old with the love of her life – all these things that girls dream about from the time they are little, all things that we think everyone should live long enough to have the chance to do. And as I sat there, in a room filled with people from all over who had come to honor her life, I heard testimony after testimony about how this girl never complained about the cards she had been dealt in life, painful as they were. Not only did she not complain, but she actively and intentionally made a difference in the lives of people everywhere she went. Countless lives, both people she knew and those she’d never met, have been profoundly impacted by the life of this one girl who, despite her terminal circumstances, saw and responded to Something bigger than herself.

I can’t leave an experience like that and not wonder what people would say about me if my life were over tomorrow. Did I make a difference at all? How many opportunities I have missed! I have this overwhelming feeling that I haven’t even yet begun to live my life. There’s so much I want to do, so much I want to say, yet, I don’t even know where to begin. I long for my life to have just one ounce of the impact that Myka’s short 18 years had. If there’s one thing I have learned from the life of Myka Glennie, it is this: Live. Live every day as if it’s your last. Make every moment count, every breath. Make a conscious effort not to let a single opportunity to make a difference in anyone’s life pass you by. As for me, I can only hope and pray for the strength, determination, and faith that this girl had to not waste another second of this gift of life.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, Who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, And sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, So that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Romans 12:1-3