I began this trip in a pretty bad place. Not physically in a bad place, just a bad place in life. As much as I'd like to think I'm starting to figure it all out - about hearing God's voice and all - something happens, and I begin to question it all, all over again. If faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains, mine must be microscopic. Beyond microscopic. As we drove along, I became saddened, wondering if maybe all these times I do things, thinking I'm feeling God's leading, maybe I'm just simply doing what I want to do and justifying it as God's will. Maybe I never should have left Kansas in the first place.
And just exactly how does a heart healthily heal, anyway? I mean, does time really heal all wounds? Or can something simple, at any given time, bring back the memories like a flood, sweeping you back to the exact place you were before? Maybe we just shouldn't put so much of our hearts into things. Maybe that's what gets us into trouble in the end. Maybe the matters of the heart are more like a science, with laws and specifics to be followed...
Sidetrack. As I stared out the window, I was reminded how much I absolutely love road trips. I would hands down rather drive across the country than fly. Any day. There's just something about seeing the gradual transition of the land from one place to another that is profoundly beautiful to me, and certainly missed when one takes off into the sky at one place and comes back down in a completely different one. To me, it even makes the Oklahoma panhandle beautiful, as it is a part of the subtle transitioning from one extreme to another. It's almost like music; a single note might not be particularly profound, but when put together with other notes, can create something truly breathtaking. Then it occurs to me, certainly creation is filled with scientific laws and absolutes, but there's so much more than just that. There's heart. God poured His heart into His creation, as is evidenced by the magnificence of all this transitioning I'm seeing out my window. From the snow-capped mountains, to the rolling hills, to the oceans, and vast wide-opened fields of grass or star-filled skies - from each extreme and everything in between - you can see God's heart. God put His heart into His creation, and He created us in His image. He created us to put our hearts into things too.
I've heard it all every day of my life since the day I was born - from Jesus Loves Me to "For God so loved the world..." - and I've always believed it, don't get me wrong. But suddenly I felt like I was discovering this for the first time. God poured His heart into His creation. He poured His heart into me. He loves me. Deeply. Unselfishly. Unconditionally. Unfailingly. He sees my mistakes, my short comings, my quirks - and His love for me never falters for a second. He will never get tired of loving me. And what's more, we can love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19)! We too have this unselfish, unconditional, unfailing love, because He first loved us this way! I know there's more to matters of the heart than just our heads. I know we are supposed to put our hearts into things. After all, our Creator created us with all His heart. Tears formed in my eyes as I sat there thinking about all of this. To be the object of a love like this, to have a love like this! Awesome. In every sense of the word.
What an incredible gift we have in Christ!
The soundtrack to these contemplations:
And though the mountains be shaken
And the hills be removed,
Yet my unfailing love for you
Will not be moved!
Rend, Rend, Rend!
Rend your hearts!
Tear these walls down;
I am only Yours now.
Update: As my luck would have it, my ipod got wiped out later that same day. All my music, gone. So, here's to a fresh start, with music and in life.
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